


But I Was Being Serious!

by graceandfire



Series: But I was Being Serious! [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-25
Updated: 2010-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-07 13:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceandfire/pseuds/graceandfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fred asks Hermione out on a date.  She refuses to believe him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hermione Granger sat in the Gryffindor common room comfortably ensconced in a large stuffed chair. Naturally she was reading. She had the common room to herself as it was nearly 11:00 AM on a Spring Sunday and the brilliant sunshine and perfect cerulean skies had tempted most of her fellow Gryffindors outside. Harry and Ron were out on the quidditch field, Harry having promised Ron some solo time on Harry's beloved Firebolt. The absolute glee on Ron's face as they trooped out had made him look eleven instead of fifteen.

Of course the boys had invited her to join them but Hermione had had enough of Quidditch for the week, thank you very much, and preferred to stay in and do some extra-curricular reading. And so she sat, raptly absorbed in a _History of the Influence of Pernicious, Untrustworthy, Treacherous and otherwise Loathsome and Evil Wizards of the Wizarding World_ by Babbette Meleonfleu. The tome was quite fascinating really.

So fascinating, in fact, that Hermione didn't notice when the tall and lanky figure entered the Gryffindor common room. She continued not to notice as he settled down on the edge of the long couch facing the large stuffed chair she was curled in. In fact, she didn't notice him until the third subtle, yet pointed, cough.

Startled, Hermione looked up, blinking a few times to clear thoughts of Grinly Bane, the dark Wizard of Latvia, from her mind. Seeing who it was a smile of welcome appeared on her face. "Oh, hullo, Fred."

Fred Weasley, one half of the famous (in Hogwarts anyway) Weasley twins smiled back, the perennial twinkle of sly mischief that always seemed to be dancing in his eyes present in full force. "Hullo, Hermione. What you reading?"

Hermione told him and was mildly surprised that the glazed look that appeared on most people's faces when she began talking about books, Harry and Ron most definitely included, didn't show up on Fred's smiling face. Instead he actually looked…interested?

"Yeah?" He said. "Sounds pretty cool. Maybe I'll borrow it after you're done?" His sentence lilted up at the end into a question.

"You want to borrow it?" Hermione asked in surprise. The twins had always seemed even less inclined towards academics than their younger brother, instead being much more interested in instigating as much mischief, mayhem and magical pranks as possible. And this year every minute of their time seemed to be spent on preparing for their career as proprietors of Weasley's Wizarding World or something of the sort. She said as much to Fred.

Fred smiled almost sheepishly. "Ah, c'mon Hermione, I can't get into trouble twenty-four hours a day now can I? Gotta have _some _other hobbies. Besides," he continued when Hermione didn't look convinced. "I could probably get some good ideas from that book. You'd be surprised what good pranks you can adapt from the deeds of evil wizards."

Hermione rolled her eyes. That she could believe. "Well," she eyed the tome consideringly, the thickness of which when closed would have spanned both of her fists held together. "I should be done with this by Friday." She looked up and saw Fred's eyebrows rise in mild astonishment at her statement. "Well," she said defensively. "It's just that I've got a lot of other schoolwork to do too. It wouldn't normally take me that long…" she trailed off as Fred's eyebrows climbed even higher, disappearing beneath the thatch of unruly bangs that covered his forehead. "Uhrm, well anyhow, you're welcome to borrow it after I'm done," she offered with a hesitant smile.

"Brilliant." Fred grinned at her before lapsing back into silence.

Hermione hesitated but when Fred didn't say anything else she mentally shrugged and turned back to her book. A moment later she paused and looked up. Fred was still there. He was just sitting and watching her with a considering expression on his mobile face.

"What?" Hermione asked, starting to feel wary. It was often dangerous to be the object of focused attention from either of the twins. It wasn't that she didn't like Fred and George, the twin terrors of Hogwarts. She liked all of Ron's family. And she certainly spent a significant amount of time _around_ the twins, both at Hogwarts and at the Weasley homestead. But she'd never spent much time _with_ them. Talking to them or spending time with them solo. She was usually in the company of Ron or Harry. And although she admired their cleverness, she rather disapproved of the way they applied it. Considering the silent Gryffindor, Hermione's eyes began to narrow in suspicion. "Fred Weasley, you're not here to play a prank on me are you?"

Fred started indignantly. "I'm not here to prank you!" The wounded outrage in his voice would have made Hermione feel a bit guilty if she hadn't witnessed many times the true excellence of Fred's lying abilities.

"Hmm," Hermione's eyes were still narrowed in consideration. "Alright then, are you here to ask for my help in a prank?" That was the second possibility that had crossed her mind.

Fred rolled his eyes. "_NO_**.** I'm not here about a prank Hermione."

"Oh, well then," Hermione's expression went from suspicious to puzzled. "Then why are you here?" she asked curiously. For, really, she couldn't think of another reason he would be. Unless…"Is it about Ron?"

"Oh, well, no, it's, uh, it's not about Ron." Looking momentarily abashed, Fred sank back against the couch cushions. He studied her from his slouched position with such a speculative look that Hermione began to feel a bit nervous again. Then he sat up again, leaning forwards towards her. "Herm?" Fred asked. "How is it you can always tell me and George apart?"

Hermione blinked in surprise. She certainly hadn't been expecting that question. "Uhm, well," she considered for a moment. "You do have a few different habits…uhmm, like you tend to tug your right earlobe when you're irritated and George tends to run his hands through his hair. And you like to eat chocolate frogs, while George is partial to Limpey's Licorice. Little things like that. But…I think mostly it's the way you carry yourselves."

"The way we carry ourselves?" Fred asked, sounding rather bemused.

Hermione shrugged helplessly, a little irritated with her inability to quantify the twins' differences in a more rational way. "Yes. You just carry yourselves a bit differently. You sit a bit differently. You slouch a bit differently. Just a bit."

"Y'know Herm," Fred looked at Hermione with the same considering stare he'd been giving her earlier. "No one else can tell us apart. Even mum has trouble sometimes." He couldn't help smiling wickedly at that. "That's come in handy loads of times, it has."

Hermione smiled at that even as she shook her head in sympathy for Mrs. Weasley. "How Mrs. Weasley puts up with the seven of you I'll never know. She has my utmost sympathy."

Fred shook his head sadly. "It's true. We are a trial to that woman. But," Fred's face assumed a most earnest expression "really, we keep her young."

Hermione raised an eyebrow skeptically. "She says you're responsible for all the grey hairs she has."

"The grey is a sign of increased youth in wizards." Fred assured her solemnly. "Being from a muggle family you might not have realized that yet." It was said with such a straight face that Hermione couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her.

Grinning in satisfaction at her reaction, Fred continued, "but anyway, don't you think that's a bit odd? That our mother can barely tell us apart? That Harry and Ron can't hardly tell us apart but you always can?"

"Wellll…" Hermione frowned. "I suppose it may be a bit odd but then I am fairly observant."

"Yeah, but d'you think it might…mean something?"

Hermione frowned, considering. "Like what?"

Fred sighed, as if unsure of how to continue. Finally, he shook his head. "Ah, never mind. So d'you want to go with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

"I beg your pardon?" Hermione asked blankly, thrown by the seemingly random change in subject.

"I _said_, do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade next weekend?" Fred said, the question a little louder this time, and more clearly enunciated.

Hermione paused. He couldn't surely mean… "You mean, in a group, right?" Hermione asked hesitantly. "With Harry and Ron and George?"

"Uhm, no actually." Fred's face was going a bit red. "I meant just with me."

"You're asking me out on a date?" Hermione's tone was one part horrified, one part denial and two parts stunned.

"Well, yeah." Fred scowled, mainly hearing the horrified. "I mean, it's not marriage or anything. Just a date. A walk down to Hogsmeade. Some butterbeers. A visit to Honeyduke's. Not a big deal."

There was a lengthy pause.

"So?"

…

"Hermione?"

…

"_Hello?_**"**

Fred was considering reaching over and poking the girl, just in case she'd gone into shock when Hermione jumped to her feet and, hands on her hips, managed to loom over Fred in spite of her rather miniature stature. Fred started at her furiously red face and wouldn't have been surprised if steam started puffing out from her ears.

"Frederick Weasley, I can't believe you thought I'd fall for such an obvious prank! What, is George standing outside the fat lady listening?" She sent a fuming look towards the Gryffindor passageway.

"_No!_" Fred jumped up too, towering over Hermione, his face a picture of wounded outrage. "Hermione, this isn't a joke. I'm asking you out on a date!"

"Right," Hermione snorted derisively. "You just suddenly decide to ask Ron's little friend out on a date. I don't think so." Hermione was truly hurt. She was a bit self-conscious about her looks. Hard not to with Pansy Parkinson and her lot always taunting her about her 'bushy hair' and her 'beaver teeth.' For Fred to pull something like this on her…Well, she'd thought better of him. She really had.

"Actually I've been thinking about it all year!" Fred's face was red with frustration and anger. "I can't believe you think I'd prank you about something like this. I wouldn't _do_ something like that!"

"Oh?" Hermione's own furious gaze met his. "So that wasn't you who got Gloria Featherpeet to agree to a secret love picnic with you last year at which you failed to show up but sixteen lovestruck garden gnomes did, attracted by the scent you slipped in her perfume?"

"That was different!" Fred was really shouting now too. "Gloria Featherpeet was a total prat! She deserved it!"

"Oh!" Hermione seethed, even though at the time she had agreed, that yes, Gloria Featherpeet, a sixth year Slytherin was indeed a cruel and obnoxious prat who deserved to be taken down a peg or ten and that the sight of Gloria fleeing across the courtyard with sixteen garden gnomes in hot pursuit was a secretly cherished memory.

But it proved her point that Fred was asking her as another joke. Why else would he? Boys weren't interested in her. Not with her looks and she knew her manner was somewhat offputting as well. Ron was quick enough to point that out to her frequently. Oh sure, there had been Victor Krum last year but well, Victor Krum wasn't exactly your normal boy now was he?

All of a sudden Hermione felt hot tears welling up behind her eyes as hurt overcame fury. Horrified at the thought that she might cry in front of Fred, she shouted angrily "you should be ashamed of yourself Fred Weasley!" and, pushing past him, she ran up the stairs into the women's dorm not stopping until she had slammed the door shut behind her.

"But I was being serious!"


	2. Chapter 2

George held out a full eight seconds by Fred's reckoning before he collapsed onto the floor guffawing like a loon.

"She…she really didn't believe you?" George managed to gasp out in between snorts and howls.

"She, she, she…thought…she thought…OW!" George paused, pain distracting him from his laughing fit long enough to aim a reproachful glare at his twin who was giving George a narrow-eyed glare right back, wand held stiffly out at his side. George tried half-heartedly to hold the laughter back before his twin cursed him into oblivion but…but… it was just too bloody brilliant! "She didn't believe you!" He howled again, setting himself off into another convulsive fit of laughter.

Fred sighed as, rolling his eyes in resignation, he lowered his wand and settled back to wait it out. When George went off like this, nothing as minor as miniature zappo curses would get in his way. Prat.

Eventually, as the fits of laughter became interspersed with longer and longer pauses of sobriety (mainly due to the increasing need for oxygen), George lay on the stone floor of one of the less used passages of Hogwarts, panting like a runner finishing up a race. "Sorry," he offered, reaching up to weakly wipe at the tears of laughter streaming down his face.

Fred just shrugged acceptance, returning to the problem at hand. "I can't believe she thought I was pranking her," he scowled, still feeling very much indignant at the way his proffered invitation had been thrown back in his face. His very _sincere _face.

George tossed his brother a look of sympathy, preparing to be helpful now that he'd got the amusement temporarily out of his system. "Well, old boy," he mused, propping himself up on both elbows to give Fred his full attention. "I hate to say it but I think our Hermione may have some grounds for concern."

"Shove off George!" Fred shot his twin a look of wounded outrage. "You know I wasn't trying to prank her!"

"Yes, yes, I do know that." George agreed hastily. "And you know that," he continued on. "But how, exactly, would Hermione know that?" He raised a wicked eyebrow, his smile turning a bit smug with satisfaction. "After all, brother, we do have a bit of a modest reputation at Hogwarts, don't we? In point of fact, we've spent the past six years working to earn the well-deserved and well-enjoyed reputation of being the most fearsome pranksters to ever walk the fair halls of our enchanted institution."

"Yeah but Hermione should have known I'd never prank her." Fred muttered with an ill-used frown, not quite up to enjoying the reputation that usually filled him with a toasty glow of satisfaction.

"Wellll, there was the time we…"

"That was before we really knew her! I wouldn't prank her now!"

George raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"Unless it was a really brilliant prank that would only work on a reddish-brown haired female genius with a cat," Fred clarified hastily.

George nodded and heaved himself up, moving to sit next to his brother against the wall. "Y'know Fred…" he paused consideringly. "Maybe what went wrong is that _you were being serious_."

Fred blinked at his brother, processing. "Y'mean…"

"Yes!" George nodded vigorously as he watched his twin link on to his own thought process. "No one expects _us _to be honest and genuine. You threw Hermione off guard, you did, not acting like our normal devilishly charming selves. It made her suspicious."

"She was suspicious because she's a cold hearted woman destined to embrace a life of spinsterly witchhood," Fred muttered, even as he processed, his rapid-fire mind starting to turn over possibilities and potential solutions.

"Well, you're the one who likes her." George commented rather heartlessly. Of course he, George, could appreciate Hermione Granger as well. She was cute and kind and immensely clever. In fact, George thought wistfully, and not for the first time, that it was a true waste to have such immense brain power and cleverness devoted to the world of academia. If she could only be turned to the paths of mischief and mayhem, her contributions to the field could be outstanding. But the girl was just too straight-laced for her own good. Even if she was best mates with Ron and Harry.

Anyhow, if George was ever tempted to like her, the thought of having yet another bossy, opinionated witch in his life was enough to make him shudder. _He _didn't need a girlfriend like that to add to the mix. But if Fred did…well, it was his solemn duty as a twin to help him get her. And then to tease them both mercilessly once he did.

Fred meanwhile was frowning thoughtfully. "You know…you may be right brother," he finally offered.

"Well, yes, of course I am," George agreed readily. "And you would have thought of it yourself if you hadn't been so, er, involved in the matter." He added generously.

"She's never really seen our serious side has she?"

"Exactly," George agreed. "So she doesn't know we have one."

"So I need to convince her I am being serious by…"

"By _not _being serious! You need to ask her out while being yourself!"

"Yeah, y'know, what we really need to do is approach this like a prank." Fred mused while George nodded encouragement.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Brilliant Planning…"

"Brilliant Strategy…"

"Brilliant Execution…"

They both smiled simultaneously. Identical smiles of wicked glee.

"_And never ever getting caught._**"**


	3. Chapter 3

"He _what?_!" Ron asked incredulously.

"Your horrible brother asked me out as a prank!" Hermione hissed again, as some of her anger and embarrassment over-flowed onto the closest available Weasley. She was still so upset that even the school library was failing to work the usual distraction she had so desperately been craving when she had walked through its doors. It was where Ron and Harry had found her after they'd finished with Quidditch for the day. Naturally, it was the first place they'd looked after not finding her in the common room.

"That utter wanker!" Ron growled, his face starting to flush in outrage.

"Hermione, are you sure it was a prank?" Harry asked hesitantly, his brows furrowing behind his glasses. It just didn't seem like the sort of the thing the twins would do. Well, not to Hermione anyway.

"Of course Fred was pranking her!" Ron scowled at Harry. "Y'don't think Fred or George would ask Hermione out for real do you!"

Harry winced on Ron's behalf even as Hermione reacted by jumping up furiously from her chair. "Oh, thank you so very much Ronald Weasley!" She stormed at him, outrage mingling with hurt. "Obviously no one would ever want to actually go out with me! Obviously the very idea of that is just ludicrous, isn't it?"

"No," Ron protested weakly. "No, that's not what I meant Hermione. Y'know, I just meant that Fred and George tend to go for more…more…" he trailed off as if realizing that anything said would only dig him in deeper.

"Oooh!" Hermione sputtered, driven to the unusual event of near speechlessness. "You are…you are just…you horrible _Weasley_!" Grabbing her book from the long table, Hermione stormed off and out the main library door.

Ron and Harry watched her go along with Miss Pince, the librarian, who had come to furiously scold whoever dared disturb her library with shouting. So shocked was she that the responsible party was Miss Hermione Granger that Miss Pince merely blinked after Hermione's departing figure for several surprised seconds, turned and aimed a furious scowl at Ron and Harry (she wasn't surprised about _them_), and stalked away.

"Oh, good one Ron." Harry rolled his eyes, offering a wry smile of sympathy as his best friend sank weakly back onto the bench.

"Ah, shut it Harry. Y'know I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, I know," Harry agreed sympathetically. "But I think the only Weasley that Hermione's going to be talking to for awhile is Ginny."

At that Ron groaned, reaching up to run his hands through brilliant red hair in vexation. "Why are girls so bloody sensitive?" He asked imploringly of the world in general.

"Umm, yeah…well, females are strange," Harry offered in a show of solidarity, although privately he thought that for such a brilliant chess player Ron could be a bit of an idiot. Granted, not that he, Harry, was any better with the opposite sex, but still…idiot.

Suddenly Ron sat upright banging both fists against the table in outrage. "It's Fred's fault!" Ron scowled, latching onto the reason he'd got into trouble with Hermione in the first place. "He started it with this whole stupid date prank!"

"Y'know Ron," Harry tried, "I really don't think that Fred would…"

"Oh, sure he would," Ron cut him off vehemently. "You didn't grow up with those two, did you? You didn't have to be suspicious of every piece of candy or glass of milk that got handed to you when you were growing up." His face got redder as he went on. "You didn't have to ask Bill to spell wards of protection into your clothes every year so they didn't suddenly turn invisible in public!" By now his face was thunderous. "They _like _you Harry. They take it easy on you. But trust you me, Fred and George are dangerous and untrustworthy blokes!"

"Er, they're your brothers Ron," Harry pointed out, unable to come up with a better defense.

"So is Percy and he's a total git," Ron shot back.

Harry tried again. "I just think that maybe you should go ask Fred before you…"

"Yeah! You're right!" Ron cut him off, brightening. "You're right Harry. I should go confront the prat! And George! I'm sure the two of them came up with it together. I'll make them apologize to Hermione! C'mon!" Jumping up, Ron strode out of the library, determination visible in every step. He didn't even look back at Harry, secure in the knowledge that his best mate would be steps behind him.

Harry watched his best friend stride away with a sinking feeling in the pit of his suddenly cold stomach. Groaning, he shook his head and muttered, "_OH_, this could be so bad," before he scrambled up, grabbing his stuff and hurrying out after Ron. Maybe he could help his best friend avoid any permanent curse damage.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, if we talk Hagrid out of the centaur hairs…"

"And spell the exploding chocolate…"

"And time it just right with the inflatable…"

"_Fred!"_

The twins looked up from their plotting to see their younger brother stalking towards them in what appeared to be a murderous rage. Rather unconcerned, they looked past him and saw Harry a few steps behind, a look of worry peering out beneath his shock of messy hair.

Exchanging a swift glance the twins straightened up, Fred tapping the paper he'd been listing ingredients on with his wand. Muttering "Polly wants a butterbeer" he stuffed the paper now sporting a badly spelled essay on the eighteenth goblin war into his pocket. Turning, he grimaced at the approaching Ron. "What d'you want?" he asked, irritated at the interruption. He and George had just been getting to the heart of the 'Hermione Will Be Mine' plan and Fred hated having the creative process interrupted.

Reaching them Ron reached into his robes and pulled his wand out brandishing it angrily at Fred. "Who d'you think you are pulling a prank like that on Hermione?" Outrage shone on his young face. The walk over had only increased his ire as he had time to relive the many occasions in his life Fred and George had pranked him and gotten him into trouble. And this time they'd pranked Hermione! And he'd _still _ended up in trouble!

At the mention of Hermione's name Fred blinked once in surprise before a lazy smile found its way across his mobile face, his eyes lighting with wicked glee. Oh, now this was just too good a chance to pass up. Tweaking Ron was like a sacred duty, really. It was in the older brother handbook, paragraph thirty-seven, sub-section c.

Leaning back nonchalantly against the corridor wall Fred eyed the wand his brother was brandishing so angrily but he wasn't really concerned. The day he, Frederick Theodopholus Weasley, couldn't out-curse his little brother…well, that would be the day he'd go to work for the Ministry of Magic. As Percy's assistant.

"Pull what prank on Hermione?" he asked innocently. George, meanwhile, was leaning back against the opposite wall with an identical expression of innocent inquiry, perfectly in tune with his twin. The fact that he was out of the line of Ron's wand so that their little brother couldn't curse them both at once wasn't a coincidence. Strategy was everything after all. In love, in war and most definitely in pranking.

"You know what prank you git!" Ron returned furiously. "You asked Hermione out on a date!"

"Well, yeah," Fred answered, eyes wide with just the right hint of surprised sincerity. "I've been meaning to ask her all year you know. Swell girl is our Hermione. Brilliant brain. Cute as a button." Fred paused, distracted for a second about just why it was that he _did _like Hermione Granger so much. "Girl's got the sweetest smile really, a little bashful around the edge y'know?" He mused, almost to himself now. "And it's cute the way she studies _all _the time and the way she wrinkles her nose when she's trying to solve a really thorny problem and er,…well, uhm" Fred blinked in sudden consternation, cutting himself off. Bloody hell, he'd sounded _way _too serious there! Even worse he'd bloody _been_ serious. Oy. Being in love was interfering with his game. Fred aimed a furtive glance around. George was looking at him like he was mental, Harry was eyeing him with quiet speculation and Ron looked like he was actually starting to bloody think.

Well, when in trouble, redirect. "Why Ron." He straightened up as if a new insight had just struck him. "You're not mad because you've got plans for her yourself are you?"

"What?" Ron jolted, taken aback for a brief moment. Recovering, he tried and failed to stop a crimson blush that Fred's words caused to sweep up his neck and face. "No! Hermione's my friend and I'm looking out for her."

Fred and George looked at each other.

"I dunno, he looks kind of jealous to me," Fred mused.

"Y'know, I think you're right brother. There's a definite tinge of green there in his beady eyes," George agreed.

They looked at Harry in tandem. "What d'you think Harry? Does our wittle Ron have a secret throbbing love for Hermione?"

Harry couldn't resist a small grin at Fred and George's baiting. Ron _did _look pretty funny as he stood rooted to the spot, sputtering out heated denials and protests. But still, he needed to head this off. Best mate and all. Biting back the grin, he tried for a serious look. "C'mon Fred," he smiled seriously at Fred. Or at least to the twin currently responding to the name Fred. "Ron just wants to make sure you were serious about asking Hermione out. You were serious, weren't you." It was a statement rather than a question as Harry studied the lanky red-head intently. "It wasn't a joke."

Seeing that Ron was still sputtering out denials Fred sent Harry a quick wink and grin but didn't answer, instead turning his attention back to Ron. "There, y'see Ron," Fred let out in a wounded voice. "Harry believes us. Harry knows my love is sincere. But you, our own brother come to us with skepticism in your tiny heart. That hurts it does." Fred frowned at Ron seriously. "And I ain't giving her up just because you're in love with her too."

"You could fight for her," George offered helpfully.

"Well, yeah," Fred nodded consideringly. "We could. Duel it out like the manly men we are. Or I am, anyways. Of course I'd hate to have to explain to Mum how little Ron got killed and all but…"

_"I am not in love with Hermione Granger!"_

Ron, having finally found his voice again, bellowed his outraged protest, his words echoing up and down the long hall.

Fred and George and even Harry looked at Ron with interest.

"Methinks he doth protest a bit much," George whispered rather loudly to Fred.

"Now, now George," Fred whispered back solemnly. "You mustn't doubt our brother. He's blood and all. If he says he's not in love with Hermione then he's not in love with Hermione."

"Yes, exactly! I'm _not_!" Ron latched on to Fred's comment eagerly, relieved that they could possibly leave this embarrassing turn of conversation behind. How had this become about _him _anyway?

"So," Fred went on. "If Ron's not in love with Hermione then he can't really object to my dating her now can he?"

"S'true, he really can't." George agreed. "Well…" George paused, considering. "Unless he thinks you're not good enough for the dear girl."

Fred's face became extremely offended. "What d'you mean he doesn't think I'm good enough for her?" He shot Ron a nasty glare. "Here now, who do you think you are judging me like that? Your own brother not good enough for one of your mates? That hurts it does Ronald."

"No! No, I don't think you're not good enough for her," Ron blinked rapidly, dimly aware that he had lost control of the conversation but desperately unaware of how to get it back. "I think that…"

"Well good then!" Fred beamed congenially at him and walked forward to give Ron a friendly pat on the shoulder. "I'm glad you've come around, Ron, old boy. After all, family should stand by each other. Ain't that right George?"

"Wait but I…"

"That's right Fred!" George came up as well, giving Ron a hearty whack of camaraderie on the back. "I tell you little brother, I was getting right worried for a minute there that you were starting to take after Percy." He walked past Ron but turned backwards, facing him and Harry. "But you've set our minds at ease, you have."

"Yeah, you've set our minds at ease," Fred agreed firmly, matching his brother step for step.

"And I'm sure we can count on both of you to put in a good word for old Fred here," George went on wagging a finger at the two boys.

"A good word…" Ron parroted faintly. "But…but you…"

"I tell you George, it's really heartening to know that I can count on my brothers in my time of need." Fred said sincerely.

"But..but I…"

"Aw Fred, that's what family's for." George punched Fred lightly in the arm before tossing a friendly wave at the two fifth years who stood watching them, Ron with his mouth gaping open like a fish and Harry with his mouth clamped shut as if fighting back either a fit of laughter or possibly, but less likely, vomit.

The twins started off down the hallway. Casting a quick look back Fred smiled a friendly smile back at the boys and waved. "See you blokes at dinner, alright then?" And they were off.

Ron watched them round the hall corner and continued to stare at the spot they had disappeared around for a rather long time. Finally, just as Harry was getting concerned that Ron was in shock or something his best friend turned to look at him, an expression of baffled realization on his face.

"Y'know Harry," Ron said slowly, "I think under all that Fred and George speak, that Fred was actually being serious." It was almost too amazing to believe but he had spent his entire life around the twins and now that they weren't there getting under his skin, he could remember the hints of sincerity that had come off of Fred during the conversation. True, Fred was really an excellent liar but still…

"What do you think?" He asked Harry.

Harry stared at Ron in disbelief for a moment. Wasn't that what he, Harry, been saying this whole bloody time?

Finally, manfully resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Harry merely nodded. "Yeah Ron," he solemnly agreed with his best friend. "I think you may be right."

"Huh." Ron frowned thoughtfully. "Fred likes Hermione."

"Yah." Harry agreed eyeing Ron with concern. "Uh, are you okay with it?"

"Well, yeah, if he's serious," Ron answered, considering. "I mean, Fred and George can be bloody wanks but they're solid underneath you know. If Fred really likes her then he'll be good to her."

"Oh, uh, that's great then." Harry smiled in relief. He hadn't actually meant whether Fred was good enough for Hermione. He liked the twins and Hermione was smart enough to be a match for even those two. He'd been more concerned that Ron might be harboring certain feelings of his own about their best friend. He'd certainly acted jealous enough last term when Viktor Krum had been pursuing her. But if Ron was okay with Fred and Hermione then he, Harry, certainly wasn't going to object.

Anyway, Harry smiled in amusement as a sudden thought struck him. "Y'know, Fred is going to have a horrid time convincing Hermione he's really serious about this."

Ron looked at him in surprise for a moment and then a grin slowly dawned across his face as the thought sunk in. It was a very wide and happy grin. "Hey, you're right! This is going to be brilliant!"

Ron chortled in anticipation as he pictured Fred's potential frustration. "It'll be payback for all the times those two have pranked me!" He happily started to consider the different ways he could sabotage Fred's efforts with Hermione. Just a little bit. After all, he didn't want Hermione to be unhappy or anything but, well, if he could just get her to make Fred suffer for a little while. A week maybe. A month tops. He smiled back at Harry in shared anticipation but his smile faded as he took in the strange look on his friend's face.

"What?"

Harry watched the sunny yellow puff of smoke rising merrily from a spot on Ron's shoulder. He watched as another puff of smoke, this one a pure pastel blue, wafted up from behind Ron's head. "Uh, Ron…" he hesitantly pointed at his best friend even as he backed up a cautious step.

"What?" Ron asked again before his own eyes followed the path of Harry's fascinated stare. Said eyes widened in apprehension as Ron took in the yellow and blue smoke rising up above his head. Craning his neck up he saw the yellow and blue clouds swirl together suddenly into a vivid green miniature whirlwind that sat spinning directly over his head. "Oh sh…"

!CRACK!

The gobs of putrid green ooze clung happily to Ron, coating every square inch of his tall figure and, Ron discovered in consternation, even seemed to be finding its way determinedly into his underpants.

Moodily, he turned to look at Harry who appeared to be in danger of choking to death as he valiantly held back laughter, his whole body shaking with the effort.

Sighing in disgust Ron shook his head as Harry gave in to the inevitable and bent over double in a fit of uncontrollable guffaws.

"Dangerous and untrustworthy blokes, Harry." Ron muttered darkly.

Of course it came out more like "Dangewous 'n 'ntwustwudy bwokes, Hawwy." The green ooze was getting in his mouth too.

It tasted like broccoli.


	5. Chapter 5

Fred and George entered the Great hall with jaunty strides. After their little contretemps with Ron they had secluded themselves in the extremely useful Room of Requirement and finished hammering out what, if they both said so themselves, was a positively brilliant plan. All in all it had ended up being a very satisfying sort of day.

They headed to the Gryffindor long table which was slowly accumulating students and took seats between Lee Jordan and Henry Hobs of their year.

"Oy," they nodded around at the crowd.

There were smiles and nods back. Moving aside to make room for the twins, Lee Jordan grinned at them. "Brilliant prank mates," he offered a thumbs-up of approval. "You should have seen Ron when he entered the common rooms. He was a giant green glob of despair."

"Thanks mate," George smiled modestly.

"We do what we can," Fred added humbly.

Speaking of dear old Ron, the twins didn't see him, Harry or Hermione anywhere at the table yet. Probably just as well. Ron was likely still a bit irritated from what their helpful spies had informed them had been a very successful beta-testing of their Tornadooze. By the time Fred and George had made it back to the Gryffindor common room after wrapping up their plotting, the room had been delightfully abuzz with snippets of Ron's coated green glory.

Apparently, their addition of Green-glass bug-beetle spit to the concoction had indeed added the desired affect they had been searching for in upping the difficulty of ooze removal. As their spies had gleefully reported, the great ooze had resisted the scourgify spell from three separate students, had laughed off several varieties of other soap and cleaning spells and then had harmlessly evaporated at the appointed time of forty-five minutes leaving a startled and very relieved Ron completely ooze free.

Their spies, well okay pretty much everyone who had been in the Gryffindor common room, had also made known the many threats of a most dire and creative nature aimed from the oozified Ron towards the twins. But that was only to be expected. Great works of genius needed to be properly appreciated. Besides Ron was so used to being pranked by them he'd probably feel all neglected if they stopped.

"So what d'you think Hufflepuff's chances are against Ravenclaw this week?" Beverly Sneade, who sat across from them flipping through the latest issue of _Quidditch World_, asked as they waited for the clock to strike seven and the table to be covered in assorted gastronomical delights.

"Please," Fred shook his head in disgust, always ready to discuss Quidditch. "The way Waverly's been flying? If that bloke don't get his act together Hufflepuff'l get smashed."

Lee snorted in agreement, his hands toying absently with the silverware in front of him.

"Yeah, but keep in mind Ravenclaws got Hubert and she ain't been flying right neither since 'The Breakup,'" George reminded them. The recent breakup between Melanie Hubert, one of the Ravenclaw beaters, and her extremely ex-ex Vijin Postoon had been so vicious, so public, so long and so annoyingly _loud _that it had earned capital letters and quotation marks, becoming 'The Breakup' to the entire student body.

"Yeah, well, that's true. Davies is in a fit about it," Fred agreed readily, naming the Ravenclaw Captain who had taken to delivering very heated lectures through gritted teeth about 'focusing on the game' to his team at every possible opportunity, with especially pointed looks during these lectures towards the miserable Hubert.

"Psst, hey Fred 'n George, here comes your brother," Henry elbowed the nearest twin.

The twins' eyes swung up to lock on the figures of Ron and Harry who were making their way towards the long table. Ron shot them a dirty glare but otherwise kept his peace as the two walked around to take a seat on the opposite side of the twins, a good distance away. As they took their seats the older Gryffindors watched with interest as Ron appeared to endure quite a lot of good-natured teasing from his fellow year-mates. Ron looked a little embarrassed but no longer seemed ready to 'splinch the twins together and feed them to Fluffy' as one of his more creative threats had offered.

"Huh, wonder where Hermione is?" George muttered to Fred.

"Dunno, she can't still be mad because of my 'prank' can she?" Fred wondered, starting to get a bit concerned. When he'd first left the room after the utter failure of his invitation he'd been more concerned about his own wounded pride and yeah, he privately admitted, hurt feelings. The last time he'd liked someone even close to this much, it had been Cora Felden in his fourth year. That had been fun for awhile until it had fallen apart over a minor prank, a pint of exploding butterbeer and some really bad poetry. But now that he was thinking back on the situation Hermione had looked near tears there at the end. Really, really mad too, yeah, but her eyes had also held real hurt.

Fred issued a sudden fervent mental prayer that she wasn't holed off somewhere crying because of him. The thought that he might have really hurt her feelings caused a sick and unfamiliar sensation to develop in the pit of his stomach. Of course it wasn't guilt. He, Frederick Theodopholus Weasley did _not _do guilt. Besides, he didn't have anything to be guilty _about_. He was the injured party here! No, he was just concerned that Hermione might miss dinner was all. Besides, how could he pull off stage I of the newly formed 'Hermione Will Be Mine' plan if the girl wasn't here to spring it on?

She was probably just curled up with a book somewhere.

_Two hours earlier_

Hermione paced the confines of the dormitory sleeping chamber, her fury bubbling over, too great to allow her to be still. That horrible Fred! And that horrible George! He was surely just as behind that prank as Fred had been! And stupid, stupid, _stupid _Ronald! She saw him again in her mind's eye looking completely aghast that she would 'misinterpret' his 'innocent' words. "Ooooh!" Hermione muttered furiously, crossing her arms in disgust. Honestly, she couldn't remember ever being so angry before. She, Hermione Granger, was a firm believer in logic and rationality. You should address problems in a dispassionate manner so as to come up with the best, most effective solution. But right now an unfamiliar red haze seemed to be clouding out those parts of the brain that dealt in logic and rationality. Instead her emotions had seized momentary control and they seethed with the desire to get even with those horrid boys. To pay back Fred _and _George and yes Ronald Weasley too!

"I should prank them all!" she muttered to herself, kicking at a stray shirt that one of her roommates had left strewn on the floor.

Hermione paused in mid-kick, arrested by the thought. She should prank them all. Should she prank them all? She _should _prank them all! She should give them a taste of their own blasted medicine, she should.

Second and third thoughts rose hurriedly to the surface as logic and rationality made their reappearance. She didn't believe in wasting time on silliness like pranks when she could be spending time studying and improving her mind, logic and rationality reminded her sternly. And she certainly did not want to get into trouble by being caught perpetrating something as silly as a prank.

But this was a special case, she argued with herself. And, well, it could almost be considered an academic pursuit. An experimental assignment of sorts. In the field. And well, really, some of the stuff Fred and George came up with in the course of their relentless pranking was positively brilliant magic. Not that she'd ever tell them that but, well, really brilliant. In fact, she sometimes thought that if only the twins could bring themselves to devote as much time to their studies as they did to their silly pranking that their contributions to the field of academia would be amazing. But the idea of those two giving up their jokes for academia was as ridiculous as, well, she, Hermione giving up the world of academia to become a professional prankster.

Hmm. If she was really serious about pranking them then what could she do? Something public but something that couldn't be traced back to her. She certainly didn't want to get caught. But it would have to be something that would impress the twins. And what kind of prank could possible impress the twin terrors of Hogwarts?

Hermione, finally calmed enough by having an actual problem to think through, sat down distractedly on the edge of her bed. As she sat, Crookshanks, who had been eyeing his human with irritated eyes as she had paced the room, seized the opportunity and jumped into her lap to say hello and finally receive his due attention. Idly stroking the orange pug-nosed cat, Hermione continued to ponder the situation.

What kind of prank would be enough to teach those three a lesson? But not be _too_ mean. She didn't want to hurt them or anything but…but what kind of prank would…her hands stilled suddenly, buried in soft ginger fur as an idea slowly began to take form. A small smile crept up her face. Oh, that was it! That was just perfect!

Hmm, but now what would she need?

Logic, rationality and emotions began working together in perfect accord now that she had a clear objective. Hermione started mentally sorting through the ingredients she'd need to make her plan work. It wasn't quite a Polyjuice potion she was looking for. Besides, that would take much too long to brew. No, she needed something that was quick. She wanted to do this now before her ire cooled and she ended up forgiving the dolts. There were elements of the Polyjuice that could be useful though…combined with some advanced charms that she'd been studying during free-time…Her mind sorting through ideas, Hermione jumped up, cuddling the purring Crookshanks in her arms. A visit to the library was definitely in order!

_Two hours later_

Yeah, he'd go and find Hermione directly after dinner and put Part I of the 'Plan' into action Fred thought to himself. If Hermione was still mad at him, well, he'd jolly her out of it. He could wait for her to cool off on her own of course, but, well, he just didn't want to. And that was weird 'cause he was usually patience incarnate when working a plan. This time, well, he wanted everything to happen _now_. The thought flashed briefly across Fred's mind that maybe he should try being serious with Hermione one more time but he quickly quashed the idea. That had worked horribly, it had, being sincere. No, better to stick with what he and George did best. Being devious.

A slight commotion caught Fred's attention and he looked up as Professor Dumbledore entered the Great Hall. Snape and Professor McGonagall accompanied him, the three of them deep in conversation. As they made their way up to the head table, Fred's eyes were caught by a flash of brown hair back towards the front entrance. He watched as Hermione Granger strode calmly through the open doors, her face perfectly composed. She did not spare a single glance for Fred and George as she walked over to join Ron and Harry. The twins watched interestedly as the two younger boys greeted the brunette. Smiling a greeting back at Harry she pointedly ignored Ron, squeezing in to sit so that Harry provided a barrier between the other two.

The twins and several of their seatmates watched avidly as Ron appeared to make an imploring gesture toward Hermione. When that had no effect he began speaking rapidly and gesticulating wildly, his flailing arms overturning a fortunately still empty goblet. To the interested observer it appeared that he was miming the whole Vornadooze incident to Hermione in an effort to gain her sympathy. This did at least get Hermione to look at him. However, any hopes of sympathy appeared to be quickly dashed as she appeared to issue him a few sharp words before turning her attention back to Harry and away from the visibly deflated Ron.

"Huh," George raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Looks like you're not the only Weasley that Hermione's mad at. I wonder what _he _did?"

"Stuck his foot in his mouth most likely," Fred snorted. "This is Ron we're speaking of after all."

"Yeah, you're right," George agreed. He shook his head in mock dismay for his younger brother. "That boy will remain dateless his whole pathetic life."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll find a girl someday," Fred disagreed. "As long as he don't ever talk to her."

The great clock began chiming the time and the students stirred in anticipation as with a rush of magic the empty table began filling with the dinner repast. Hunks of roasted beef, steaming chicken and bean casseroles, delicate cornish pasties, black pudding, crusty loafs of bread and assorted red, green and orange vegetables appeared piled temptingly high upon platters and in large bowls. Grabbing a pitcher of steaming cider Fred poured a generous mug for himself and began spooning chicken and bean casserole onto his platter, snagging two cornish pasties on the fly.

"Y'know," George commented, the words slightly garbled due to his mouth being happily stuffed with bread. "I've been thinking about the Tornadooze spell and I think I may know how to improve the quality of the…what?" George asked noticing Fred's distraction.

Fred had paused in his foraging and was watching Hermione with a puzzled frown, his food momentarily forgotten. The girl was up to something.

How he was so sure he couldn't say but well, he had spent most of his life being up to something so he was an expert at recognizing the signs. Not to mention he'd spent the last year in the habit of Hermione watching and the girl was, well, just definitely up to something.

The signs were all there. She kept aiming glances their way which, okay, she could probably just still be steamed at him but there was a look of expectation in her eyes. And she just looked a little…shifty? Nervous? Guilty? Oh, the girl was definitely up to something.

"Hermione's up to something," Fred informed his twin.

"Huh? What you mean? You mean 'up to something' up to something?" George asked interestedly, craning his neck to get a good look at Hermione. She had been gazing their way but upon noticing their interest immediately turned her attention fixedly upon her dinner plate.

"Huh," George muttered, considering. "She does look a little nervous. The first sign of the amateur mischief maker."

"Yeah," Fred frowned. "And she keeps looking our way. And she keeps sneaking glances at Ron too when he isn't looking. So what could she be feeling nervous about?"

"Maybe she's plotting to do away with you," George suggested cheerfully.

"Oh, hah. Thanks. Nah. She's…"

"What're you two going on about?" Lee asked, tilting his head in curiosity. "Why would Hermione be plotting to do away with you?"

Fred rolled his eyes. "Long story mate and she's _not _plotting to do away with me."

"Are you sure, cause I…" Lee didn't get to finish his comment as a sudden commotion erupted at the head table and all eyes swung in that direction.

Sybill Trelawney had just opened her mouth to indignantly protest the new teacher's disparaging remarks about the field of divination which had been accompanied by an annoyingly girlish giggle (the woman must be at least fifty for heaven's sake, it was time to put the giggling aside!) when her attention was distracted by Professor Dumbledore.

What on earth? She frowned, puzzled for a moment, her eyes narrowing curiously. Was the Headmaster…sparkling? Yes, it seemed as if glitter was dancing up and down the surface of his…was that...? Even as she opened her mouth to inquire she heard a gasp from further down the table. She craned her head to look past the Headmaster and noticed that the glitter wasn't only covering him but was running up and down several of the increasingly alarmed staff. Apprehension growing, she slowly looked down upon her own unsteady hands and saw the same sparkles dancing across pale skin. Oh dear…oh dear this couldn't be…

!BANG!

…good.

Sybill let out a horrified shriek, stumbling up and away from the table as she lifted suddenly humongous hairy hands in front of disbelieving eyes. Snatching up a silver spoon she peered into the surface and began screaming in earnest as she saw the face of an extremely hairy, wild-eyed man with an enormous bulbous nose and terribly large ears peering back at her. Looking wildly back up she saw that where Headmaster Dumbledore had been sitting there was now a startled looking tiny gnome of an old woman, wide eyes blinking owlishly, dressed in what appeared to be a belly dancing uniform. But it was the site of the former Professor Snape that sent Sybill Trelawney into a less than graceful swoon as she toppled backwards like a great hairy oak brought low. Oh, he still had the face of Severus Snape, beaky nose, oily hair and all, but it was now attached to the body of an extremely curvaceous woman. In a polka-dot bikini.


	6. Chapter 6

Hermione watched with disbelieving eyes the drama unfolding at the head table. No. Oh no, no, no, _no_! Her heart stuttered like a cornered rabbit about to become a meal. No, this just couldn't be happening!

How had the blasted spell gotten sent to the head table? She tried to swallow down the panic that threatened to overtake her. It had been meant for Ron and the twins. Dobby had promised he'd get it to the right goblets. He'd _promised_! Oh, she was going to be expelled, Hermione thought, unable to tamp down the rising hysteria bubbling up in her throat. She was never going to get a chance to take her beloved OWLS. She was never going to graduate at the top of her class. She was going to be sent home in utter disgrace!

The rest of the hall was exploding into utter pandemonium with outbreaks of laughter and shrieks of hilarity going off like links in a pack of firecrackers, getting louder and louder and accompanied by pointing and, in a few cases, actual rolling in the aisles as the students took in the bespelled staff.

Ron was completely beside himself with laughter, unable to speak at all, instead reduced to pointing weakly at the horrified Snape who had grabbed the edge of the tablecloth before him and was frantically pulling it up in an attempt to cover his bikini clad figure while jabbing his wand wildly with the other hand, muttering frantic spell after spell to try and counter the effects.

Harry was also doubled over with laughter at the sight although he seemed to be trying to muffle it somewhat out of respect for Professor Dumbledore. The humor of the situation, however, seemed to be winning.

Besides Hermione and the professors, Fred and George may have been the only ones in the entire hall who weren't overcome with laughter. Instead the twins watched the scene unfolding at the head table with mouths agape, overcome with professional respect and not a little professional jealousy that they hadn't been the ones to pull this off. They also watched Hermione watch the head table, taking in the expression of utmost horror currently decorating her pale face.

"It's just not possible." Fred murmured, eyebrows raising in disbelief.

"She just wouldn't have," George protested weakly, head moving rapidly back and forth to look between the girl and the head table.

They both watched the guilt and panic bloom, sitting side by side with the horror.

"_She did_," they both whispered in awe.

"Fred," George's eyes were wide as saucers as he took in the beautiful chaos surrounding them.

"What?" Fred responded distractedly.

"I think I'm in _love_," George whispered fervently, staring at the feminine source of the pandemonium.

This caught Fred's full attention. Turning he frowned at George. "I saw her first," he responded firmly. His gaze was drawn back to the girl of his dreams unable to stop a somewhat goofy smile from forming. This girl was _soo _perfect for him.

"Fred," George whispered again.

"_What_?"

"We have _got _to get that woman to work for us."

Dumbledore watched with bemused interest as he waved his now petite little hands back and forth, waggling the small fingers. A most intriguing bit of magic, really. Elements of the polyjuice potion but combined most cunningly with a combination of several charm spells and, if he was not mistaken, and he did not think he was, a rather ingenious addition of the Bazzmodus enchantment. He wondered curiously whether the likeable scoundrels, Fred and George Weasley, were behind this current escapade. Certainly the two were devoted enough to their art and perhaps even clever enough to have engineered this event. Although, in his opinion, this was a bit advanced for those two even as clever as they were. Still, with enough planning and diligent experimentation, he supposed they could indeed have managed to pull off just such a feat.

Ah well, it was perhaps time to restore some order to the evening. Pulling out his wand from where it was currently tucked into his belly dancing skirt, Dumbledore let his mind slowly focus around the different components of the spell and, once he felt his mind taking sufficient grasp of all the elements of the enchantment, he purposefully waved his wand and incanted "Finite Incantatem!" After a brief flash, he was suddenly much taller, much more of the male persuasion and wearing the much more traditional robes he had started the evening with (although the belly dancing costume had been most interesting).

"Finite Incantatem!" He repeated, aiming his wand at Professor Snape who shuddered with relief as his bikini clad figure became once more male and swathed in sober black robes. Snape stood for a moment, as if in shock, realized he was still clutching the tablecloth to himself and quickly released his death grip upon the material, straightening himself up to assume a more dignified pose.

Dumbledore pointed his wand at the prone figure of Sybill and repeated one final time "Finite Incantatem!" before turning to view the students spread out below him, considering. Most of the children below were still caught up in helpless laughter. His eyes sought out the twin Weasleys and noticed astutely that they were, in fact, not laughing but appeared to be having a rather intense discussion. Interesting. Interesting indeed.

"Headmaster," Snape's face was a cold mask of fury, his wand held up at the ready in a clenched fist, as if restraining the urge to hurl curses down upon the entire student body below. "Might I suggest we begin _immediate_ search for the depraved culprits who no doubt will have the last name _Weasley_," the last word was accompanied by a sneer. "Expel the guilty parties, and conclude by sending their cold and lifeless bodies back to their parents with a _note_." He somehow managed to end his sentence with a hiss.

"Now Severus," Dumbledore motioned soothingly at the Potions Professor. "No real harm has been done here. It was a childish prank."

"No _harm_?" Snape began to turn a mottled red. "Headmaster," he managed to state somewhat calmly, if through gritted teeth, "the authority of the teaching staff has been undermined. Such reckless disrespect deserves immediate and _heavy_ consequences."

"I must agree with Severus," Minerva McGonnagal contributed irritably, looking up from her position on the floor where she was fanning the still unconscious Sybill Trelawney. "This is really going too far Albus. There must be consequences for the guilty parties. Perhaps not _death_." At this she raised an acerbic eyebrow at Severus before continuing to Dumbledore, "but there must be consequences for those involved."

"And so there shall be Minerva," Dumbledore agreed calmly. "But the consequences will be determined with cool and thoughtful heads." He stared down at the stirring Sybill consideringly. "Minerva, if you and Dolores would be so kind as to escort Sybill to Madame Pomfrey's offices, I'm sure she would be most grateful." Watching the two haul the now conscious but somewhat woozy Sybill upright, Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at the remaining staff members before retaking his seat and calmly taking a bite of the chicken and bean casserole which, as the whole incident had lasted less than five minutes, was thankfully still quite warm. The other staff slowly retook their own seats, muttering amongst themselves. The names Fred and George Weasley came up in the mutterings quite a bit for some reason.

The students seeing that Professor Dumbledore had taken control of the situation and with the changed Professors back to normal were slowly settling down, retaking their seats, talking and laughing animatedly, the buzz of conversation still louder than usual.

"That was completely brilliant!" Ron chortled gleefully at his mates as his laughter finally wound down, his ire at Fred and George completely forgotten. "I wonder how they pulled it off?"

"You think it was them then?" Harry asked pulling off his spectacles to wipe at the tears of laughter.

"Of course," Ron rejoined. "Who else but Fred and George could pull something like this." He shook his head admiringly. "I tell you Harry this has got to be the best prank that they've ever pulled. They'll go down in the history of Hogwarts for sure now. Imagine it!" His eyes were alight with enthusiasm. "They actually pranked Trelawney, Snape and Dumbledore in front of the entire school!"

"D'you think they'll get in much trouble for it?" Harry asked curiously. He wasn't really too worried. While it didn't seem like this was the sort of thing that the teachers would just ignore, Fred and George seemed to have a sheer genius for wiggling their way out of serious trouble.

"What d'you think Hermione?" Harry turned to his right and immediately frowned in conern. Hermione was sitting frozen, her face a ghostly white and she seemed to be having trouble breathing.

"Hermione?" He asked tentatively. "Are you all right?"

Hermione turned panic stricken eyes to Harry. "Oh Harry, I…I…I"

"Herm, are you sick?" Harry asked, getting really concerned now. It was a rare sight indeed for Hermione to be unable to speak. He cast an alarmed gaze at Ron who returned the favor. "You're not going to throw up are you?" Ron asked, leaning away from her a little, just in case, as he took in her pasty features.

"I…I…I"

"Do you need some air?" Harry asked somewhat urgently.

Hermione nodded gratefully, still seemingly unable to speak. She was now starting to turn a rather alarming shade of green.

Ron and Harry quickly stood and, supporting Hermione, led her out the Great Hall and into a small nearby classroom, dusty with disuse. As soon as they entered Hermione sank to the ground against a wall burying her head in her hands and moaning piteously.

The boys exchanged another alarmed gaze. "Do you want to go to the Infirmary, Herm?" Harry asked worriedly.

They heard a muffled denial.

"Was it the site of Snape in a bikini?" Ron asked helpfully. "That's a site to make anyone sick, really."

Another muffled groan.

"Well, what is it then?" Ron asked, baffled and starting to get a little irritated. "Fred and George have just pulled off the most brilliant prank of their careers. What're you having a mental breakdown about?"

"It wasn't Fred and George," the words were barely audible.

"What?" Ron asked, puzzled. "Of course it was Fred 'n George. Who else could it have been?"

"It was me," Hermione looked up, staring miserably at Ron and Harry.

"Oh, c'mon, don't be stupid. Of course it wasn't you." Ron laughed at the thought. "Come up with something more believable why don't you?" He rolled his eyes. "Like, I dunno, like you becoming the head seeker for Ireland."

Harry, meanwhile, was no longer smiling. Instead he was watching Hermione with a growing feeling of awe. "Hermione," he said slowly, "are you telling me you really are behind this prank?" He didn't know whether to applaud her for her sheer brilliance or yell at her for the amount of trouble she was in if she got caught.

She met his gaze miserably and nodded. "I didn't mean to do it Harry. It was an accident."

Harry blinked in disbelief. "You accidentally transformed Professor Trelawney into a hairy giant, Professor Snape into a…a, well, half a female, and Professor Dumbledore into a belly dancing old woman?" he asked skeptically. "How, exactly, does that happen by accident?"

"It was meant for Ron and the twins," Hermione explained woefully.

"What? Wait a minute," Ron jerked upright in disbelief. "It was _what_? It was meant for _**what**_? Are you telling me you really _are _the one behind this prank? And what do you mean it was meant for me and the twins?" Ron howled in outrage, ignoring Harry's calming gestures.

"I mean it was intended for you three _imbeciles_," Hermione shot back angrily, some of her misery being overtaken by irritation.

"Which one was I supposed to be?" Ron asked, furious now at the thought of being pranked twice in one day, even if the second prank hadn't actually succeeded. On him that is.

"You were supposed to be the ugly, oafish, hairy ape," Hermione practically spat at him. "That way your outsides would have finally matched your great big stupid insides!"

"Why you…" Ron began only to be cut off by Harry who physically pulled Ron back, hurriedly coming to stand in between the two.

"Come on guys, that's not important now," he said as firmly as possible.

"Not _important_?" Ron asked in disbelief. "She was going to turn me into a hairy ape man! And she just called me stupid!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, compared to her, we _are _stupid," he pointed out logically. "Anyway, we've got to make sure Hermione doesn't get caught."

"Oh Harry, I'm going to be expelled." Hermione sank back down again, the horror of the situation overcoming her brief flare of anger at Ron.

Ron looked like he wanted to continue yelling at Hermione but Harry frowned ferociously at him and the two engaged in a brief flurry of raised eyebrows, scowls and pointed looks before Ron finally shrugged irritably and went to lean against a table. He crossed his arms mutinously and his scowl was kept firmly in place, but he did remain silent.

Harry turned back to Hermione. "Alright, first thing first, how did a spell that was meant for Ron and the twins end up affecting the Head Table?"

"I don't know," Hermione shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "I swear I don't know."

"Well, how did you plan to get them to Ron and the twins?" Harry asked reasonably.

"I got Dobby to help me," Hermione explained, still unsure of what could possibly have caused Dobby to get it so wrong. "I knew I wouldn't likely be able to cast a spell in the dining hall without being noticed," she continued her explanation. "So I cast a spell to call Dobby and I asked him to make sure that when the food and drink got transported up to the dining hall that he transported the powder I'd enchanted up to Ron and Fred and George's drinking goblets."

Harry frowned in puzzlement. "You're sure Dobby knew exactly where to send the spells?"

"Of course I'm sure," Hermione frowned at him. "He knows perfectly well who Ron and the twins are and I most assuredly did _not _tell him to send it up to the Head Table."

Baffled, Harry shook his head. "I don't know how Dobby could have made a mistake like that." Sure, Dobby had a penchant for messing up Harry's life with the house elf's helpful interference but this seemed like a pretty big mistake even for him.

"Why don't you ask him?" Ron cut in, still a bit sour, but beginning to be interested in the puzzle before them.

"What?" Harry asked, startled.

"Why don't you ask him?" Ron said patiently a second time. "Dobby worships you Harry. Just ask him."

"Right," Harry blinked in surprise. "That's a really good idea, actually." Hesitating, he thought hard of Dobby for a moment and then spoke loudly "Dobby!"

Immediately there was a sharp crack and Dobby appeared before them, small and wizened, his large ears drooping. Upon seeing the three of them his eyes widened with apprehension. "Oh, Harry Potter, there has been a most terrible mistake made. It is not Dobby's doing sir, it is not!"

"It's alright Dobby," Harry said soothingly. "Hermione told us she asked you to send up some spells into Ron and the twins' goblets. We just want to know how they ended up at the head table."

"Oh, Harry Potter, Sir!" Dobby shook his head in guilt. "It is too terrible. Dobby should have prevented…but it was Winky Sir!"

"Winky?" Harry frowned, wondering how Barty Crouch's former house elf had gotten involved.

"Yes Sir, Harry Potter, Sir! Winky does not like Harry Potter's female friend at all Sir! Winky is wanting to cause trouble for her."

"What?" Hermione gasped in outrage. "I've never done anything to Winky. I've tried to be nice to her."

"Yes, Harry Potter's best female friend," Dobby nodded in agreement. "Dobby knows that Hermione is good and kind and is wanting freedoms for all elves but Winky is not wanting that. Winky is very angry that other elves might be forced to know freedom as she has."

Harry, now getting an inkling of where Dobby was heading, closed his eyes for a moment as if in pain and groaned. "You're talking about S.P.E.W. aren't you Dobby?" He knew that club had been a bad idea.

"Yes, Harry Potter, sir!" Eyes wide, Dobby nodded his head enthusiastically. "Winky is a sly and unworthy Elf and she stole the spells from Dobby and sent them to the Great Table instead." His huge eyes filled with tears. "Dobby is so sorry Harry Potter!" And with that Dobby looked around wildly and took aim for the large desk at the head of the room, crashing into it head first before Harry or the others could stop him. Harry hurriedly rushed forward and grabbed Dobby before the house elf could punish himself further.

"Stop that Dobby, it wasn't your fault," Harry panted, wrestling the house elf away from the desk.

"Oh, Harry Potter is too kind sir," Dobby groaned. "But Dobby should have kept Winky from doing such a bad, bad thing."

"That's not important now," Harry responded, still trying to hold onto the squirming elf.

"Not important!" Hermione gasped in near hysterical outrage. "Not important? I'm going to be expelled because of Winky."

"You're not going to be expelled," Harry stated firmly, shaking his head in denial. "You're the top student in our year. You never get in trouble…" he turned as Ron coughed subtly. "Uh, unless, it's because of us. And Professor Dumbledore would _never _expel you."

"Yeah, he's right," Ron chimed in helpfully. "If he didn't expel Harry and me for crashing Dad's flying car into the Whomping Willow then he's surely not going to expel you for this." He raised his eyebrows consideringly. "Of course, Snape'll probably try to make your life a living hell…" he subsided under the force of Harry's glare. "Uh, but you probably won't get expelled," he finished weakly.

Thinking of having to deal with an even more vindictive than usual Snape all year, Hermione, who had been looking hopeful, leaned her head back against the wall and groaned.

"Alright look Dobby," Harry looked down at the house elf who had stopped trying to ram himself against the desk and was now twisting his own ear viciously, squeaking at the pain. "Stop that!" Harry ordered irritably, reaching out to grab Dobby's hand and wrestle it away from his ear. "Dobby you can still help us," he ordered somewhat desperately as the house elf began trying to bite his own arm.

At Harry's words Dobby stopped his chomping and looked up in hope. "Dobby can be of use?"

"Yes!" Harry said firmly. "Look, the only way the professors can figure out who was behind the prank is if they question the house elves right?"

"Yeah!" Ron straightened up, catching on to what Harry was getting at. "You're right. How else would they be able to tell who did it?"

"Professor Dumbledore will probably figure out that the spell was in the goblets so it figures if he wants to know who was behind it he'll go down to the kitchens," Harry went on.

Dobby's ears which had perked up at the thought of being helpful began to droop again. "Oh, Harry Potter, Sir, Dobby cannot be lying to Albus Dumbledore. And Winky would also not lie. She will most happily tell any who ask that it was the best female friend of Harry Potter who gave the spells."

"Yeah," Harry muttered frowning in thought. "But, you don't have to answer if you aren't there do you?"

Dobby blinked up at him in surprise. "Harry Potter is wanting Dobby to go away?"

"No, not go away, Dobby," Harry reassured him hastily. "Just hide out for a little while. I mean you're a free elf right? You and Winky both are, so you could sort of pop off somewhere else for awhile couldn't you?" He asked hopefully.

Dobby tilted his head, considering. "The Great Professor Dumbledore did tell me that I could be having 'vacation' when I first started my working in the kitchens."

"Yeah! Yeah, a vacation!" Harry smiled encouragingly. "You and Winky should definitely take a little vacation. Go off and visit, uh, somewhere."

"Oh, but Winky would not want to go," Dobby shook his head sadly. "Winky is only wanting to drink and cry and make trouble for Harry Potter's best female friend."

"Hang on," Ron interrupted. "Won't Winky get in trouble if she tells the truth? I mean, Hermione meant to prank the twins and me," at this he couldn't resist shooting Hermione a nasty glare. "So if she tells Professor Dumbledore what really happened, she's likely to get fired herself ain't she?"

"Oh Ron, the Professor would never do something like that," Hermione chided him, beginning to look a little calmer again.

"Well, yeah, of course he wouldn't," Ron shook his head impatiently. "But Winky don't know that now does she?"

"Yeah Ron!" Harry smiled enthusiastically. "You're right. If Dobby tells Winky that she'll get fired if she lets on to what happened, then she'll probably be willing to make herself scarce for a few days until this blows over. I mean she doesn't have anywhere else to go right?" He added somewhat heartlessly, feeling little sympathy for Winky right then.

"Oh, but that would be wrong…" Hermione protested weakly. "Bullying Winky like that."

"Bollocks that!" Ron interjected furiously. "That house elf tried to get you into trouble and all you've ever tried to do is help her." He manfully bit back the urge to say that he'd thought the whole S.P.E.W. thing was idiotic from the start.

"Yeah, Hermione," Harry hurried to head off any fits of conscience. "Winky's brought this on herself. And we're not hurting her or anything. Maybe a few days off would do her some good."

"Yeah, she could check into a Sanitarium," Ron muttered.

"Well, I suppose you're right," Hermione agreed hesitantly. "But…" she paused considering. "Don't you think that Dumbledore might figure it out anyway?"

"Yeah, he probably could if he really wanted to," Harry admitted. "But the thing is I don't think he'll really care all that much. As long as it's not really obvious I bet he'll let it slide." Harry smiled slightly, recalling some of the pranks he'd learned the Professor had pulled in his own school days. "Snape might not, but…well, he hates us anyway and he'll have to take his cue from Dumbledore."

He took a deep breath, "so it's agreed then," he looked around at the others. Ron nodded vigorously and, after a brief moment, Hermione nodded weakly as well.

Harry looked down at Dobby. "What do you think Dobby? Can you do it?"

Dobby looked up at Harry and squared his shoulders in determination. "Dobby will do as Harry Potter has asked. Dobby will take a," his eyes widened slightly in awe, "a 'vacation.'" His face firmed. "And he will take Winky with him."

With a crack Dobby disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

Fred paced the darkened hallway, his lean body overflowing with restless energy, while George slouched against the wall, entertaining himself by watching Fred pace.

"It's the only way it all fits," Fred finally concluded, pausing mid-stride, as he shook his head in bemused wonder.

"Yeah, you're right, it makes perfect sense," George agreed solemnly before hooting in appreciative laughter. "Trust Hermione to pull off the prank of the year by _accident_," he snorted, shaking his head in amused disbelief.

Fred shot his twin a narrow eyed glare before his own equally bizarre sense of humor surfaced and he reluctantly grinned. It _was_ pretty bloody brilliant. "You realize she meant the prank for us," he commented wryly.

"Yeah, well," George flashed a grin at his twin. "If you can't take a prank…"

"Don't pull a prank," Fred finished, grinning back with an identical wicked smile.

They'd figured out the mostly likely chain of events after dinner, all the while accepting compliments and hearty whacks on the backs in congratulations of pulling off such a brilliant prank. In unspoken agreement they had merely smiled, neither confirming nor denying responsibility which, of course, to the rest of the students was admittance enough. The twins didn't bother denying it because they knew that for one, no one would believe them and for two, if they did convince others then people would start trying to figure out who really was behind the prank. No, better to see what was what before making their move.

"Hermione's not cut out to be in trouble," Fred frowned at the thought of the sweet girl slaving away in detention. His imagination continued to build the picture of Snape with an evil sneer of triumph on his cold face casting hexes and jinxes at Hermione while she was forced to slave away in the deepest dankest castle dungeon, faint with hunger, cleaning out noxious potion vial after potion vial night after night. The thought sent his pulse to pounding. No, he just couldn't let that happen.

George raised an arched eyebrow, skepticism plain on his devilish face. "Not cut out to be in trouble? Girl seems to have a positive genius for trouble if you ask me."

"Yeah, she really does, doesn't she?" Fred felt his smile go goofish for a minute before shaking it off. He really had to stop doing that. He tossed George a glare. "You know that's not what I meant. I meant that Hermione's not cut out to serve detentions or get yelled at, or well, be on Snape's 'death by Potion's' list."

George straightened up, casting a narrow-eyed gaze of concern at his brother. There was a certain note in Fred's voice that was starting to set off alarm bells. This conversation was starting to head off in a dangerous direction, it was. "Hold on now," he protested. "For one, the girl did the crime, she can do the time," George thought of some of the stunts she, Ron and Harry had pulled in previous years. "She's a tough little thing y'know. _And_," he continued hurriedly when it looked like Fred was going to try to cut in, "she's already on Snape's 'Death by Potion's' list just by being best mates with Harry. So _don't_," he plowed on, ruthlessly overrunning Fred's attempts to speak, "even _think _about getting all chivalrous and gentlemanly on us," he finished firmly, crossing his arms in an effort to convey his total and complete seriousness. "We are _not _chivalrous and gentlemanly blokes."

"She's just so tiny," Fred finally said after a brief considering silence, giving a helpless shrug.

"Too tiny?" George asked incredulously. "Your argument is that she's too _tiny_?" He could only stare at Fred in disbelief. "Love is rotting your brains mate! I mean, have you gone _completely _mental?" He shook his head at the notion. "The girl was clever enough to get into this mess wasn't she? I'm sure she's clever enough to get out of it all on her own." Just because he admired the girl didn't mean he was willing to go down for her.

"She's not used to being devious though," Fred argued. "I mean, she messed up the prank didn't she?"

"Yeah! She did! Or else it would have been us turning into belly-dancing old ladies and what-not! Have you forgotten that? And I haven't even done anything!" George added indignantly, quite willing to forget his earlier amusement. "Besides, this is Hermione Granger we're talking about! She's the smartest witch we've ever met!" He paused, "uh, don't tell her I said that though."

"Yeah, but she's…"

"Don't you dare say she's tiny again or I'll pound you!" George interrupted fiercely. "Just forget it! Whatever you're thinking of doing just forget it!"

"But…"

"No!"

"I only…"

"I mean it! The answer's no!"

Fred stared at his brother silently for a brief, considering moment, thinking of and discarding arguments at a rapid-fire pace behind his clever green eyes.

George, who knew exactly what was going through his brother's devious mind, leaned in, poking a finger at Fred's chest in hot temper. "You listen to me Fred! We are not going down for a prank we didn't do!"

Fred just continued to stare narrow-eyed at George before he suddenly smiled. It was a dangerous sort of smile and George felt instantly wary. He was absolutely right to be.

"I wonder if Genevieve Delorean ever found out who it was that stole her Feather of Love enchantment and replaced it with a Feather of sneezing?" Fred asked casually.

George blinked once in surprise at the implied threat before immediately leaning back in, face going red with outrage. "We vowed never to speak of that!"

"Desperate measures mate," Fred shot back, not at all deterred.

George felt his own eyes narrow into slits of danger. "You want to play that game then do you? Alright then. Oy, I bet Dad would _love _to know who it was behind that Muggle two-headed bovine emergency that kept his entire department out in the countryside chasing cows for five bloody nights straight last year."

Fred barely flinched, immediately going back on offense. "Well I wonder how Mum would feel if she found out who it was put Draught of belching into Aunt Marge's biscuits two years ago. Right before they were entered into the Portnash baking contest."

George shrugged off the hit. "Ginny still don't know it was you what chained the gremlin to her bed when she was six. And _that _girl…is getting dangerous."

Fred volleyed. "Ho, I wonder if Charlie would like to know about the time you got Roddy Griffith's cousin to tell Charlie he was an orphan and that the Slytherin Orphanage for Wayward Fiends was going to take him away the next morning?"

"That was both of us!"

"Oh…yeah."

…

"This is getting us nowhere," George sat slowly back on his heels, forcing his temper to cool down.

"Yeah, you're right," Fred nodded reluctantly, also leaning back. "We've got too much dirt on each other. Neither of us would survive full disclosure."

"Alright look," George said after another moment of silence as they both analyzed the possibilities. "You're worried for your lady-love right? I mean, obviously. It's making you so mental that you're actually threatening your own deeply beloved brother."

"S'right," Fred agreed readily. "Which is why…"

"Aw, shut it and listen," George interrupted irritably. "We don't even know she's going to get caught, do we?"

"Well…Dumbledore and Snape'll probably…"

"Forget probably…" George overrode. "Before we cast ourselves on the sword of love, and by the way you are going to so owe me big time for this…"

"Yeah, yeah," Fred responded impatiently.

"Right…as I was saying, before we get all noble let's find out if our monumental act of sacrifice is really needed shall we?"

Fred huffed impatiently. "Fine. But I don't think Hermione's going to be willing to talk to either of us right now."

"Yeah," George nodded in agreement. "Shame you didn't get a chance to put the 'Hermione will be yours' plan into action yet. Still, Ron and Harry…"

"Yeah," Fred nodded. "That's true. Ron and Harry should know what's what. Well…" Fred reconsidered, "maybe just Harry since the last we saw, Hermione wasn't talking to Ron neither."

"Right. Okay, so we corner Harry and find out if Hermione's in danger of getting caught," George concluded.

"And if she is…" Fred asked, one eyebrow waggling questioningly at his brother.

George stared at him in irritation for a brief moment before finally shrugging his surrender. "Fine! _If _it looks like she's going to get caught and _if _there's no other alternative that presents itself then we take credit for the crime. But like I said, you're going to owe me…"

"Big time!" Fred agreed hurriedly, flashing his brother a brilliant smile. He'd known George would come through in the end. With his brothers' consent taken care of he jerked his head towards the far end of the hall, eager to be off. "Right then, let's go!"

George watched Fred take off at full speed in his search for Harry, shaking his head slowly in dismay. "The idiot really is in love," he concluded morosely. "Won't get a decent prank out of him until this thing settles down." Sighing, he wandered more slowly after his brother, his twisty mind still considering options. His face brightened momentarily when a though struck him and he shouted after Fred "Oy Fred! What about trying to blame it on the Slytherins?"

Fred was still a bit ahead of George as he entered the Gryffindor common rooms. Immediately the crowd of Gryffindors hanging out began a rousing cheer for one of their temporary heroes. Fred, as distracted as he was, was still enough of a showman to smile and bow to the crowd of students, raising his arms in grand acceptance of the adulation, taking it as his natural due. "Thank you! Thank you! But really, I'm just a normal lad. Like all of you except, well, taller and more charming and well, better looking of course…" he laughed as the crowd started good-naturedly cat-calling him, the closer students shoving at him playfully.

Making his way through the crowd, he scanned the room but didn't see Harry nor, for that matter, Ron or Hermione.

"Hey Neville!" He reached out and collared the awkward lad. "Have you seen Harry anywhere?"

"Oh, uh, I think he might've left dinner early," Neville replied, a bit nervous. Any time the notorious pranksters noticed him he felt a bit nervous. Although, really, they were usually pretty decent to him. Not that they didn't prank him 'cause, well, this was Fred and George and they pranked everybody. But it was always good-natured. It was the Slytherins you had to watch out for. "He was with Ron and Hermione. I'm not sure where they went though. Haven't seen them up here," Neville offered tentatively.

"Well, d'you have any idea where they might have gone? It's kind of important," Fred asked, the unusually serious expression on his face impressing the younger boy.

"Well…" Neville frowned in consideration before brightening. "Hey! The library! The three of them seem to hang out in the library quite a lot."

"The library?" Fred considered and then nodded. It was worth a try. "Right, thanks Neville," he patted the boy on the shoulder approvingly before bolting off. He ran into George as his twin was just entering the common rooms. "Not here," he told him tersely, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him back out the portrait hole.

"Oh, make up your mind!" The Fat Lady scowled in irritation, closing the entrance in a huff.

They ignored her, George digging his heels in to halt Fred's insistent tugging. "Where, exactly, are we going now?" He asked, unwilling to be dragged willy-nilly along on Fred's crusade.

"The library," Fred responded, still tugging at George's elbow. "C'mon mate, Neville said they hang out there a lot."

"Oh, well, if Neville says," George shot back sarcastically but let Fred tug him along.

They had just entered a passageway which would shoot off to a stairway that most of the time led to the library when the twins both skidded to an abrupt halt. Harry was coming out of a classroom. He stopped short when he noticed the two, blinking owlishly in surprise before offering them up a cheerful, if wary, smile. He said, somewhat loudly, "Hey Fred, George, what are you two doing here?" He then shut the classroom door firmly behind him and strode forward.

Fred, intent on his mission of love, strode up to Harry and urgently grabbed his elbow. Oy, Harry, is Hermione in trouble?"

"Wh…what do you mean?" Harry asked, startled. How could Fred and George have possibly figured out Hermione's plight?

Fred wasn't fooled for a moment. "C'mon, don't by coy," Fred admonished. "We know it was Hermione who was behind that prank."

"Yeah, we know it was Hermione who was behind that prank," George seconded, crossing his arms in emphasis. After all, he might be irritated with Fred right now, but he still had a sworn twin duty to help the love-lorn idiot out. Besides, he glanced at the closed door behind Harry. He had a feeling…

"Why do you think it was Hermione?" Harry asked warily, backing up a step so that his back was against the door he had just exited.

Fred rolled his eyes. "Well it wasn't us."

"Er, well, okay, but there's still lots of other people in the school. What makes you think Hermione could possibly have had anything to do with it?" Harry asked, going for innocent and pretty much failing. He tried again. "I mean, you know Hermione, she doesn't pull pranks. She thinks they're a waste of time."

"Look, you know she was mad at me 'cause she thought I was pranking her when I asked her out earlier," Fred offered by way of explanation.

"Yeah," the word was wary.

"Well, I was watching her when she came in at supper and she was up to something. I could tell," Fred concluded firmly.

"How?" Harry asked, genuinely curious now. He'd been sitting right next to Hermione before the prank and he hadn't noticed anything strange about her behavior.

Harry and George watched as Fred reddened. "I just could," he answered irritably. He really didn't feel like explaining that he'd gotten so used to 'Hermione watching' that he could read her like one of her books.

"Okay," Harry said, drawing out the word cautiously.

"Look, it's not important how I know, I just do," Fred brushed past the question hurriedly. "She meant the prank for us and Ron…"

"Yeah, I know why she's mad at us but what did that git do to get on Hermione's bad side?" George asked curiously.

"Uh," Harry hesitated, trying to think of a diplomatic way to describe Ron's unintentional insult. "Well, he sort of…"

"That don't matter now," Fred cut him off, shooting George an impatient look.

George rolled his eyes. Fred was _seriously_ no fun when he was on a love crusade. He made a mental note to tell Ginny to Avada Kedavra his own happy self if he ever got this serious about anyone.

"We know she meant the prank for us and it somehow hit the head table instead," Fred was continuing urgently. "What we need to know is whether there's any evidence to link her to the prank."

"Well," Harry said cautiously, his mind racing as he considered the situation. Clearly Fred wasn't going to just go away and, well, his thoughts turned towards the room he'd just left. Maybe there was a way to work this thing out so everyone got what they wanted. He kind of liked it when his friends weren't trying to kill each other.

"Okay Fred," he admitted, shrugging as if in defeat. "You're right. It was Hermione behind the prank. But you can't tell anyone," he went on hurriedly.

Fred just rolled his eyes. "Of course we're not going to tell anyone. We're here to help make sure she don't get caught."

Harry opened his mouth to ask why but he was cut off by George who jumped in rather loudly "Yeah! This git won't rest until he makes sure Hermione don't get in trouble! On account of he's soooo in love with her." George winked at Harry when the other lad stared at him in surprise.

Harry felt a small smile struggling to creep across his face. Looks like he wasn't the only one with an idea about a truce. "But Fred asked Hermione out as a prank didn't he?" He asked innocently and loudly.

Fred was so focused on Hermione that he didn't even think about why Harry and George were acting weird. Instead he stared down hotly at Harry, outraged. "You know I was serious when I was asking her out!" He felt genuine hurt. He'd thought Harry had believed him! "I've been thinking about asking her since this summer!"

"Just what exactly is it about Hermione that you like so much?" Harry asked, again rather loudly.

"What's _not _to like?" Fred finally bellowed in frustration. "She's just, she's just _wonderful _alright? She's brilliant and funny and sweet and pretty and clever and by Merlin's Beard she just pulled off the prank of the year by _accident_!" He was beyond pretending to be cool about this. "And if she's in trouble then George and I'll take care of it! We'll take credit for the prank if we have to alright? But we need the details so we can figure out how to fix it!" _Why _was he the only one getting this?

Harry stared up at him, blinking for a moment, and Fred was barely resisting the urge to throttle the lad when Harry simply smiled before reaching back and opening the door he'd been leaning on. "She's not in danger of getting caught Fred. But you can ask her yourself."

Fred watched in stunned disbelief as Hermione's face came into view as the door swung slowly open. He noticed absently that Ron seemed to be there too but his younger brother barely registered as Fred had eyes only for Hermione. She was looking back at him, an equally stunned look upon her pale face.

"Oh, um, Hermione…hi," Fred said weakly, for once robbed of his normally glib gift of speech.

Hermione remained silent, her eyes studying Fred's face with serious intent.

It was unnerving really. Huffing a breath out in frustration Fred lifted a hand, tugging nervously at his right earlobe. Taking a deep breath for courage he opened his mouth to try to explain. "Y'see I…well, that is, I really just…" he stopped as Hermione slowly started to smile. Something warm and wonderful unfurled in his stomach at the beautiful sight.

"Fred," Hermione continued to smile and it seemed to light up her whole face so that even Harry blinked in surprise at the way it made his best friend look, well, beautiful.

"Yeah?" Fred asked, an answering smile of his own starting to unfurl.

"Would you like to go out with me this weekend?" The smile was turning a bit shy now around the edges; Hermione's brown eyes shining tentatively.

Fred felt his own smile turn into a huge grin. And he didn't bloody care if it was goofy. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. A lot."

Fred fought the urge to reach down and kiss Hermione, instead reaching out to grasp her hand with his own.

"I'm sorry I tried to prank you," Hermione looked up at him, apologizing earnestly. "I'm really, really sorry Fred."

"Don't be sorry about it Hermione," Fred's grin started settling down into something resembling its normal wicked form. "That was a brilliant prank. You'll have to tell me how you did it."

"Well," Hermione hesitated before looking up at him questioningly. "Do you really think it was brilliant?"

"Are you kidding? It was outstanding! Only a brilliant witch like you could have pulled that off." They both firmly ignored the gagging sounds that George and Ron were suddenly producing.

Fred took a more secure grip on Hermione's hand and started leading her off down the hall. "So how did you manage to get the transformation done? Was it a potion?"

"Oh, well, it was actually a combination of several different elements from several different spells and potions," Hermione offered happily, a bubbling feeling of giddiness occupying her stomach as she walked down the hall hand in hand with Fred. His hand felt large and warm and callused and just right. And he thought she was brilliant! _And _pretty!

Harry, Ron and George watched the two walking off, various expressions of bemusement on their three faces. After a moment George gave a quick shake of his head as if coming up for air and took off after them. "Oy! Hermione! I was willing to go down for you too y'know! I dunno why you want to ask this shady character out." He caught up to them and slung a companionable arm across Hermione's shoulder. "By the way," George bent his head down towards hers in a conspiratorial manner. "Could I interest you in a part-time job this year? Extra cash, lot's of practical applications of magic. We could use a good assistant," at her sharp glance he hastily back-pedaled, "uh, I mean, colleague. A really smart colleague to help us out with development and research."

Harry and Ron watched as Hermione responded pertly to George, causing him and Fred to laugh at her comment as the trio walked off together.

Harry glanced over at Ron who had an odd look of comical dismay on his face. "Y'know," Ron said slowly, turning to look at Harry in half-serious trepidation. "If Fred 'n George convince Hermione to team up with them…well, I fear for the world Harry. I really do."

Harry, however, felt no such qualms. In fact, he felt a happy smile of contentment taking over as he watched something good happening to some of the people he cared about most in the world. It was a nice change of pace. His smile shifted to a grin as he looked over at Ron. "Well, at least the world will be laughing."

There were worse things after all.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Right, so, after a comment about wishing for a sequel (which there's not going to be one at this point, sorry!) I did want to post the tiny bit of sequel I started writing oh so many years ago. As mentioned, this will not be finished but if you're interested, here's a snippet about Fred getting ready for his date:
> 
> Fred studied the bottle of cologne cradled in his hand, considering. It was a dark green crystal flask labeled Dangerous Dragon Musk and the back of the bottle promised to, 'Bring out the Dragon in any man and leave the ladies swooning.' Lee had sworn by it when he'd shoved it into Fred's hands that afternoon. He put the bottle back down. Then again Lee had just been dumped by Katie Bell. Besides, if he wore cologne on his first date with Hermione, George would mock him mercilessly. Well, George was going to mock him mercilessly no matter what, but wearing cologne would be like handing George the wand and painting a big X on his own forehead saying, curse me here.
> 
> *********
> 
> Uhm, right, so the above was something I had posted in a meme several years back with excerpts from unfinished wips but it got me curious about how much I had actually written of the sequel and it turned out to be almost 2,000 words! So, I've polished it up and posted it. Not planning to continue it but it doesn't cliffhanger and is just the lead up to the date. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
